5 Signs You're Too Damned Skinny

Updated on June 29, 2017

Curves are sexy, and (straight) men are programmed to love them -- so you super skinny women are not doing yourselves any favors by stuffing that bony bottom into a pair of sized zero jeans. Granted, some of you have a psychological condition which prevents you from realizing how Auschwitz you look, but that doesn't change the fact that you need to consume more than a piece of lettuce and a can of diet coke per day. (Sadly, that is a real diet for some.) If any of these 5 Signs That You're Too Damned Skinny apply to you, please, get help. Starvation is not sexy.

1. Your Shoulders Are Scary

This look is getting to be pretty standard, but, I assure you, shoulders are meant to have a bit of fat on them. You're not supposed to be so skinny that only bone remains. I've seen sexier skeletons in anatomy labs. If you look at her back, you can see of a bit of her super-pronounced spine, as well.

2. Each Of Your Ribs Are Visible

You're a human being, not a cockroach. This means you have an endoskeleton, not an exoskeleton. In other words, we're not supposed to know what every nook and cranny of your ribcage looks like.

Nor do we want to. It's scary. It's horrifying, really. If you look like the model in that top right photo, your body has serious, serious issues it would like to discuss with you.

3. Your Chest Is Caving In

This one causes me great pain to look at. Ouch. Ugh. Doesn't that hurt?? If your chest is caving in, and your breast plate is more prominent than your breasts (assuming you've got enough fat to even have breasts) something is wrong. This is especially scary when the woman bends over.

I've noticed this "look" with many Hollywood celebs in the last year or so, and it amazes me that their handlers are not telling them how frightening that is. If you are going to be this skinny, please wear a turtleneck, as anything else is really distressing to look at.

4. Your Legs Are Thinner Than Barbie's

This chick looks like a porcelain doll, doesn't she? Take a look at her face. She looks pretty darned unhappy, doesn't she? Not that blame her -- I'd be pretty unhappy if my legs were that skinny, too.

It's kind of amazing, really. I mean, take a closer look at the photo. Her legs actually appear to be the same size as her arms. The same size as her arms. Gawd, how is that even possible?

Now take a look at the belt around her waist. It's bigger than her legs!

5. Not Even Stage Makeup Can Cover The Bags

Big black bags under the eyes are a part of life for many of us, particularly when we are tired. It happens, and that's something women just have to deal with. But, if you're of the super skinny minnie variety, the blackness quickly gets replaced by a pink, hollowed look that not even the best makeup artist can conceal.

Take a look at that model and you'll see what I mean. You'll also notice she looks ill on several levels. I'm sure hunger is playing a big part in that. Such a shame, as a bit of extra weight would really make her stunning, as she's obviously quite pretty to begin with.

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